Archive for December, 2007

BAH HUMBUG!

December 25, 2007 · Filed under My Tattered Life! LOL · Tagged , ,

Christmas Eve–I’m sitting on my bed with my cat laying by my side cataloguing my books online. That’s my idea of fun. I got out of work at 3 pm and ran to Target for one last gift!! And I ended up spending about $60 on about 6 more gifts!! Go figure! My aunt is cooking a roast pork and it’s smelling good. My oldest cousin is watching movies in his room and chain-smoking, but that’s nothing new. My youngest cousin (but still older than me) just came in and is still undecided as to where he will spend tonite. The middle cousin and father of the lil Midget (little Richie) who lives with me will come over later with his girlfriend and their daughter. We will wait until midnight and open up a couple of gifts. Then we’ll go to sleep. And to think of the long hours shopping, online browsing, road rages, ATM withdrawals–all for this one night of complete and utter joy!!! Can you say BULLSHEET?? I miss Christmases past.

AFTER MIDNIGHT
I’m going to risk sounding like a Hallmark card. Big Richie managed to get here about 11:30 pm and he brought his girlfriend Jennifer and her 10 year old daughter Ashley. Alex decided to go somewhere else and party. Around 11:58, the two kids were getting very antsy. So we let them start ripping up presents. And looking into their smiling eyes, I finally remembered what the fuss is about. These are the memories that they will look back to. The memories that will keep them going when life gets tough, the way it does when we grow up.
Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!!

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Crossroads with Pain

December 18, 2007 · Filed under My Tattered Life! LOL · Tagged , , , , ,

Ok I am going to get personal in this post but this has been bothering me and I need a forum where I can let it all out and this here is my forum. I do not want pity. Matter of fact I abhor it. However there is a difference between pity and compassion. I have compassion on my fellow human beings just because it’s who I am and what’s in my heart. I am going through a bit of a situation and it’s hurtful, physically and spiritually. Let me explain.

My Typical Day
I wake up about 6:35 am. Either an internal clock or my cat jumping around doing something he isn’t suppose to be. I twist and turn to find a comfortable way to look at the bedside clock. I see the time and think “great, it’s early, maybe today I can finally make it to work on time.” I roll and stretch and stretch and stretch some more. The whole time wincing with pain. I decide about a half hour later, “let me just get up because the pain is not going away.” And because I’m still quite stiff and not exactly limber, I bang my knee against my bedpost. I gasp in pain and I think “why is it that I hurt myself whenever I’m in the worse pain?” At times, a tear will trickle but I continue. I make it to the bathroom. I use the toilet. I turn on the shower water–very hot because the steam is suppose to relieve my achy joints. I step into the shower and I slip, almost falling but I don’t. I catch myself but not before I stretch my back way more than I should have and I hit my tender hand against a pipe. I wince again and sit in my shower chair. I cry sometimes. I let the water do its thing and I slowly start to massage my hands, knees and neck, in the hot water. I start to lather up slowly, not because I’m trying to be all sensual but because I can’t go any faster due to pain and lack of mobility. If it’s a good day, I manage to wash my hair. I dry off. I brush my teeth holding onto the sides of the sink because standing longer than 5 minutes hurts like hell. I struggle with the cap of the deodorant and flirt with the idea of not using any! But not wanting to be a big ‘ole stink bomb, I struggle until it comes off. I apply deodorant, the whole time wincing and holding my breath. I go to my room and sit on a chair and dress. This part isn’t too hard except that it’s a very uncomfortable spot and I almost always manage to hit something and make the pain worse. Buttoning up is a problem but I’ve devised my own plan. I slip on my shoes. If it’s a good day, I wear make-up and manage to make it to work looking half decent. But lately it’s been mostly bad days. My hair gets barely washed. I mean I do it but not a great job. Brush it? Are you serious? Lately, it gets gathered up and put in a clip. My hair is curly so unless you look very close, it doesn’t look that bad. I put on my coat and start going. I stop to lock the door and you guessed it. I wince in pain as I turn the key in the lock. Oh and I’ve dropped the keys about 4 times first because with the morning pain, my hands are not very strong yet. I start my trek down two flights of stairs one step at a time because my knees have been filling with fluid again, making it very painful to bend. I manage to get to my car and open the door. I literally plop in my seat because I’m holding my breath during my walk to the car. I put the key in the ignition. I’ve only dropped this once because it’s bigger and easier to hang onto. I start the car. I reach over to get my seat belt and I stop mid-air. I hold my breath and attempt again. I get the seat belt on. I let out a big ‘ole breath. And I go to work. I’ve devised a route in which I hardly make any left turns, actually one. Those hurt too much. I get to work. They’ve provided parking for me. I cross the street. I reach out to open the door and not even a budge! Thank God it’s a high people-traffic area and eventually someone pushes it open for me. I walk in and I look at the clock. 9:17 am. I start at 9 am. Oh well I think “maybe tomorrow.”

I’m not going to go any further because it’s pretty pathetic really. But this is what I go through every day lately. I have had rheumatoid arthritis since I was 8 1/2 years old. I had a hard time as a child, mostly because they had no idea what was wrong at first and I just kept getting worse and worse. And because, well, kids are cruel little creatures aren’t they? So yea, it was tough for a bit. But I struggled through it and as I got older, I was able to use medication that I couldn’t before and it helped alot. I went through high school pretty much ok. College years were great. I ran around just about as much as anyone else. No I didn’t run track but I could skip across a street. Now I’m in my 30’s and it seems that the RA is trying to get the best of me. I’ve tried a few things already but it’s just not letting down. So most days are full of pain, uneasiness and yea even moodiness. I’m not worried because I know I will get through it. But I am upset because it has slowed me down. Not just in everyday life but at work. I have not been producing the way I had been and I recently got an unsatisfactory evaluation which I’ve appealed but no word yet. Worse comes to worse, I won’t get an anniversary pay raise. But that’s just a few bucks. I’m upset because I have been told that I failed. And I have never been a failure.
I’ve worked for this agency for the past 10 years and I’ve had a very good track record. I’ve gotten promoted quite quickly. I excel at their stupid tests. And I always go beyond my job duties. But none of that matters. This has diminished me. I feel inadequate and I have never felt that way.
I am upset because I work in the field of disability and I expected that they would have had some compassion for a struggling employee trying to remain an employee and not become a client; but instead they are stressing me out and making me feel so damn terrible and inadequate. I mean yes, I could, at 36 years old, apply for Social Security disability and stay home. But I don’t want to. I feel that I have more to give to this world and I want to keep giving it.
However, if it weren’t for the bills, I would walk out of there tomorrow with my head held high. I’m at a crossroads. You know the place you find yourself in life when you are about to learn a very important lesson. I wonder what it will be.

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I Want To Win (But you can too)!!

December 18, 2007 · Filed under Book Stuff & Reviews · Tagged , ,

Ok ‘Tis the Season to be giving and all that so……I’m letting anyone who reads my blog know this:

Ann Bruce is holding a contest and giving away 5 copies of her new book: A Naughty Noelle, which comes out December 21, 2007. It is published by Ellora’s Cave so it’s going to be a spicy little read. And all you have to do to win is do what I did. You don’t know what I did huh? That’s ok. Go to her website and you can read all about it!!

http://www.annbruce.net/

Oh she also has a myspace so go request her too so you can keep up on all the latest!!

Don’t forget Reading is Sexy!!

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A Shout-Out for My Latinos!!

December 11, 2007 · Filed under My Tattered Life! LOL · Tagged , ,

OK I’m getting up on the podium so watch out!! LOL First, let’s chat about friendship. Me and my co-writer have been friends for about 5 years or so. She probably knows the exact year but I only remember the day. Her hubby and my then boyfriend decided that we should plan a summer outing–against our wills. Neither of us was exactly jumping to meet the other. You see at the time, our significant others’ choice of friends was extremely lacking and us being the extreme snobs, did not want to mingle with what we thought was crap!
Anyway we did meet and I think I may have given her a once over before letting her into my car but lo and behold–a friendship was born. And we fight just like the boys do except that we also know each other very well. Sometimes we give each other space and other times, especially me (ha ha) we are all up in each other’s face wanting to know why we did such a stupid thing. Anyhow through it all, we have learned to know that the other is not perfect but we love each other in spite of and sometimes even because of the imperfections! Who knew?! LOL
OK so one of what I consider her imperfections (lol) is that she is not a very proud Latina. This of course, has to do with our growing up. I grew up with lots of Puerto Rican pride and I knew of all things Hispanic. I learned very early on that I was not Spanish!!! That’s right folks!! Spanish are people of Spanish descent aka born in or from family in Spain. I learned to love the music and the people and the fiestas patronales. I went to Puerto Rico every single summer and many Christmas vacations. So Latin pride was part of growing up for me. My co-writer had a bit of a different upbringing. Don’t get me wrong. She likes her roots. She just doesn’t love them. LOL And trut be told, she actually cracks me up because she as some peculiar sayings for a Latina–the latest one? “Stop joshing me.” she tells me. I nearly snorted my Sprite out my nose! And she’s married to a VERY proud Puerto Rican man. I imagine she cracks him up too!
LOL
So my co-writer made a comment in a prior blog about Latinos in power. And I agree with part of her comment except that I don’t think abuse of power is a condition that is limited to Latinos/Hispanics. Power is power and most people that attain it, don’t know how to handle it. Most are changed by this power. Many lose the power and perhaps it is this fear of losing the power they worked so hard to attain, that makes some minority populations and really people in general, seem to want to hold on to it a little tighter. And sometimes, they come down on fellow Latinos/Hispanics. The problem is that we take it personally. Yea it would be nice if we got cut a break every so often but well, I don’t hold it against them. I don’t like misuse of power in any ethnic group but I am very proud of my fellow Latinos when they achieve something of substance.
My aunt made a funny yet true comment the other day. I don’t normally agree with her so this is Good! LOL
We were talking about the fact that one of our family members is locked away in the “big house” and we needed a favor but no one would do it. I’m not going to get into details. There would have been no breaking of laws and the favor was something that is not out of the ordinary. But no one would do it. And yea, no one we asked was Latino. I’m not saying that was the reason why it wasn’t done but I’m trying to set up what my aunt said.
She says “You see the problem is that too many of our youth dedicated themselves to drugs and becoming the law-breakers instead of becoming the cops, the lawyers and the judges.”
I have to admit that there is a sour Truth to that. I have known so many intelligent young men AND women throw their lives away. But that is exactly the reason why I don’t mind when my Latinos reach some level of power–oh yea I may personally dislike some of these individuals but it’s all about the greater good. Eventually we’ll get it right.

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Mitch Albom–movie or book?

December 10, 2007 · Filed under Book Stuff & Reviews · Tagged ,

OK I bought Mitch Albom’s For One More Day several months ago and it has been sitting on my bookshelf ever since. My mom passed away 10 years ago and the premise of the book appealed to me very much–to be able to have just one more day with that loved one. I bet we’d all want that. My problem is that I’d be really pissed at the end of the day and I’d start cussing God out again like I did 10 years ago and maybe this time He wouldn’t be so kind to me. LOL So that’s part of the reason why the book is still on my bookshelf unread. I had to be ready to read it.
About two weeks ago, I was shopping at the library (shopping yes!). I call it shopping because I never really have a specific goal when I visit the library. I go about once a month. What I do is I have my empty tote bag with the library logo and I go up and down each aisle perusing different things that stand out and call me and I drop things into the tote until it’s full. Then I go to the check-out!! That’s why having a great cover is very important–for people like me who like the look of shiny things!! LOL Anyway I walked out with the five people you meet in heaven. The cover isn’t particularly outlandish. It was the author’s name that jumped at me. I read it and it is absolutely fantastic. If you haven’t read it, you should totally go take it out or buy it or borrow it. It’s a great read particularly for this time of year when we are trying to get all our ducks in a row so to speak. I will write more about the book itself in another blog.
OK so after having such a fantastic experience with that book imagine my delight when as I watched “Desperate Housewives” last week (did she lose her entire family?? OMG!! can’t wait for next episode now!!!), they announced that ABC would be showing the movie adaptation of “For One More Day.” I think it may even have been an Oprah pick. I put it on my organizer right away just to remind myself not to make any other appointments at this time. I was so excited even though I hate seeing a movie before the book.
Well, let me say that I couldn’t finish watching it. I was bored to death. Excuse the pun. I really just couldn’t get interested in the character at least not the present-life character. The movie does this back and forth thing between the past and present and actually even the mother seemed more interesting in the past. The son was not interesting past or present. I am extremely disappointed. I’m going to start the book tonight and then I’ll tell you all what I really think. I’m not sure if it’s because well, the movie is never better than the book. Or maybe it’s the actors. Or maybe the writers were just boring. Or maybe it’s just me. But I just did not like the movie. So I’m heading to my bookshelf and I’m tattering some pages tonight!!

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Leenas’ got the Goodies!

December 5, 2007 · Filed under Book Stuff & Reviews · Tagged ,

Hello all! This is just a quick note to let you all know about my “friend” Leena, over at Leena’s Goodie Room (just enter that on any search engine and you’ll see). This is a website where you can read about authors and other reading/writing stuff that interests you. Also and I love this part!; you can send Leena a self-addressed stamped envelope (SASE) and get back a bunch of “goodies.”
I had known about Leena’s goodie room for a while but I was skeptical. I thought what would she send? A few bookmarks and maybe those signed bookplates? Well, lo and behold, I received my SASE back recently. I had attached about $4.80 in stamps (as she suggests) and I got the best stuff!!
If you’ve been reading my blog all along, you must know I have a pen fetish (lol-wish i was lying). Well, Leena sent me about 10 different pens. And they all write very nicely. I also got a little trinket box, a coaster, a few magnets, some reading excerpts and tons of bookmarks. Many of these items were signed by the authors! I loved it!
So if you’d like some goodies, head on over to Leena’s.

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Catching Up!!

December 3, 2007 · Filed under My Tattered Life! LOL

OK the tyrannical co-creator here!! LOL
I just got through reading my co-writer’s updates and I thought, man I really should’ve read it sooner! It may have saved us some grief this weekend. Anyway, I’ll get to that later.

First I am really proud of my friend for finally choosing to use colors in her posts. She tends to just write and write and not even use spellcheck (ahhh the horror!) ; )

OK, question for my friend– How can anything that cost $5 be perfect?
I think she has a very high expectation for $5. If $5 is what you will pay for perfect, then I have a nice sandwich-sized zippered sealed bag for ya!! LOL My friend here needs a lesson in quality!
Let’s face it girl! “Lo barato sale caro!” which means that cheap is sometimes more costly because after buying 20 perfect $5 wallets you have spent $100, whereas if you spend $75 you may actually get a perfect wallet!! Next trip to the outlet, it’s on!! No excuses. LOL
Besides the ride to upstate NY was merely 45 minutes because it’s just right there at the tippy tip entrance to NY. I did buy my second authentic Coach bag for $120 bucks (total of 60% off what it would have been in the store!!). But I look at it this way–I’ve bought Guess and Nine West bags at Macy’s or other department stores, some have been leather and some haven’t, for about $60. So now I have two great quality leather bags and each are really perfect. I have a tote that can carry my life and a hobo bag that I can look all trendy in. LOL
And truth be told, carrying my Coach bag is good for my self-esteem. It’s much like when we girls buy and wear really pretty silky lingerie even though no one else will see it. It makes you walk differently. You carry yourself differently. It gives you a self-assurance and a great attitude. I can’t really explain it but those that do this should know what I mean.
But I will admit that I’ve learned a lesson myself now that I treated myself to the real Coach bag. I’ve learned that my addiction is not simply to Coach bags but to bags in general. So I will continue on my quest for bags, pens and books wherever it leads me (even if I must cross state lines!).
Oh yea–but ask her how far she’d go for some really great jersey knit sheets!!! And by the way the fact that she is her hubby’s GPS system is really scary. Let me just say he is going to be lost a lot! LOL I love my girl deeply but she’s been known to be lost in a one-block radius! LOL {xoxox for you!}
And another thing–what makes you think that your neighbor wanted a friend? She was just giving you a token of appreciation because you let her use your home to gain access to hers. There is nothing there that says I’m lonely and need a friend (however, it may say I’m stupid and need to smoke less weed–LOL). Anyhow, you gave this stranger entry into your apartment and showed her how easy it is to break in through the windows in your building. If she’s a thief, she now has the general layout of your place. Hope you didn’t have too many Christmas goodies laying around. This is the prime season for robberies because thieves know that most homes are filled with great stuff right about now. Make sure you lock your windows at all times!! Boobie trap the entrance! She gave you a gift card in appreciation and to throw you off track because if something happens-you’d never think it was her. She was so nice! LOL
See? This is one of the major differences between Nancy and me –she sees the cup half full and I see it half empty. She’s the eternal optimist believing in the goodness in people and I’m the constant pessimist knowing that you cannot leave your back turned too long.

OK so now about what we did this weekend. We had plans for Saturday. The thing I have to say in my defense is that I was very tired and stressed out this past week. OK, so my friend loves to shop. I think that’s why she likes December because of all the shopping she gets to do. So she made plans for us to go to Big Lots which was fine. I’m sure I would have enjoyed the trip, however, my intention was to give her her birthday gift because we still had not seen each other and just spend time with her. I originally also wanted her to come over my house. I would give my car to my aunt so she could make herself scarce. And she’d have to leave her hubby home so we could actually have girlfriend time.
Don’t get this wrong. He was a very gracious host to me this time as well as any other time I come over but you know sometimes you just want to hang with your friend.
Anyway, I’m sure that I did agree to go to Big Lots with her but I wasn’t paying close attention because we had the conversation when I was at work this week and work has been dreadful lately.
Oh and by the way, let me just say that when my friend and I lived in the same town, we didn’t see each other much but I had a car and I always went to her house. Well at least a couple times a month. LOL And now she moved out of town and she has a car but unless I go to her, I never see her. Yea, I’m complaining! Again! And if she stayed put long enough I may have had the brilliant idea to bring her a friggin cupcake with a candle on it! Cause I’ve been a broke pigeon too–can’t afford the whole cake! LOL
So I erred because I forgot we had to a date to shop and not just a date to hang out. When she called me and she was out in front of my house, she had her hubby call and I merely told him I ‘d be down in a few minutes. It was taking me more than a few minutes because I was “in disposed.” LOL She called me after about 5 minutes of waiting for me and I told her what I was doing but I’d be down soon. Well, she mistook the strain in my voice from being out all night and going out early in the morning, for not really wanting to go with her. And when she mentioned Big Lots and I was clueless, well that closed the deal. My friend, got all pissy and after she was out front, she left me.
I was going to leave it alone because I really was tired and wanted to go to sleep but then it ate at me because well honestly, because I really needed my friend. So making the story short–we made up and I went to her home. She went to Target after she left all mad at me and shopped away! Her hubby ended up carrying all the bags. Oh yea and get this–she complained about me and he got mad at her!! I think he just wasn’t beat to hear her complaining. You know how men are. LOL But well as much as I fight with him and he gets on my nerves, he’s like one of my cousins to me. And she, well, I just can’t stay mad at her too long. LOL

So see? If I would have read her blog, I would’ve known what the plans were all along. Reminds me of a famous line in the Woody Woodpecker cartoons:
“If Woody had only gone to the police; This would never have happened.” LOL

And as far as books go, we’ve been reading lots of stuff in between but the next book club reading is officially “the five people we meet in heaven” by Mitch Albom. Pick it up and let’s have an online discussion before the end of the month. It’s a perfect read for right before the new year!!!

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